


Smoke It Away

by BeeInATrenchcoat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeInATrenchcoat/pseuds/BeeInATrenchcoat
Summary: Dean is dealing with a mistake he made, in an unhealthy way.





	

Dean has changed a lot in the past year. Sam doesn't know what it is. He doesn't understand what made Dean so different, or what changed him. Why now? Life was shit before. They killed and killed and killed. Literal monsters and innocent, human civilians. That was surely enough to screw anyone up. And it did. Both parents were dead, along with dozen of friends who were almost family, and it was just the two of them, fighting every evil thing that dared walk through the door. Not to mention both of them having died too many times to count. The they were far from normal. So they drank... Well mostly, Dean. Dean drank so much that it became a normal thing. He probably found the alcohol poisoning enjoyable at this point. He was practically immune, he drank so much. 

But then something just happened... And now he's smoking cigarettes. Smokes an entire pack, maybe two even, within the hour. One after another. 

And he won't talk to Sam. About anything. Sam could ask him how he has been, and Dean looks at him, and pulls a short from the little box he'd just gotten from the gas station, and lights it. Sam can barely remember what his voice sounds like. He begs Dean to open up and tell him what happened. What could've possibly been different enough for him to feel the need to find solace in something more than alcohol. 

One day, Sam was actually able to get him to say a few words. 

"Sam! Give me back my cigarettes! Please," Dean growls, nervously scratching at his arm. 

"Not until you tell me what happened," yelled Sam. 

"No!"

"Fine then! I'll be stomping all over your boxes of these disgusting things, and dumping every bottle of liquor down the drain, until you speak up! And you'll be on lock down."

"You can watch me for as long as you want, but I can just leave when you're sleeping."

"You're right, Dean. I'll just have Cas watch you, then."

"He won't," sighs Dean. "Just give me back the box and beer and we can be done with this conversation!"

"Did something happen with you and Cas?"

"Sam, give me back the cigarettes!"

"What happened?"

"We were kind of a thing, but then I felt like he was kind of pinning me down, so I went to a bar, got drunk - had then most fun I had in a long time - and fucked some dude. It was stupid... I didn't mean to," Dean says, tearing up. 

"So you cheated on him?"

"Yes. Now are we done here?!"

Sam gave Dean back the cigarettes and alcohol. 

"Why didn't you just tell me," Sam asks. 

Dean lit a cigarette and retreated to his room. 

Sam went to his own room, trying to process everything. 

He really thought Dean and Castiel were perfect for each other. Literally a match made in Heaven. The two of them were so powerful together. They loved each other so much, and Dean thought Cas was "tying him down"? He couldn't understand. 

Sam picked up his phone and dialed Cas's number. 

After three rings Castiel picked up.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, it's me. How're you doing?"

"Good, actually... But I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call you back later?"

"No, this is kind of important. Id like to talk now."

"I have someone over, Sam."

"It's about Dean."

The line went silent. 

"Whatever Dean did this time, I don't have any interest in."

"He feels really bad, Cas."

"And he should. Sam, I've moved on."

"He's slowly killing himself over this, Cas."

"He should be upset. It was really shitty of him. Look, I have to go, Sam."

"Wait! Cas-"

"Goodbye, Sam."

A few minutes later after the call ended, Sam's bedroom door crept open. 

"Why did you call him," Dean asks, angrily. 

"Don't you wanna know how he's doing?"

"Fine, Sam. How's my ex?"

"He's doing great, Dean. He says he's doing good. Maybe you should stop torturing yourself over hurting him. Cause I think he's moved on from it."

"Not like I can up and drop a habit like this. And anyway I still destroyed Cas. You should've seen him, Sammy. His eyes were so clouded and dark. I sat with him as he cried and shook for hours, Sam. I felt like complete shit, which is what I should have felt. I broke him. I'll never forgive myself. And nothing will ever be the same between us again, so why even bother? I'm sure he doesn't even want anything to do with me."

The two went silent. Sam didn't know what to say. 

The bunker door opened and slammed shut. Sam and Dean immediately lunged for the guns near Sam's bed. They each stood against the wall, on either side of the doorway, and hid until the intruder popped through the door. 

The door swung open and the two aimed their guns. 

"Cas," Dean breathed. 

"Put the guns down, please. Dean - I just want to talk to you. Alone, if that's okay, Sam," says Cas. 

"As long as that's okay with Dean."

Dean looked down to the floor, and then to his younger brother who nodded, suggesting that he should talk to Cas. 

Dean walked forward and then grabbed Cas's shoulder, pulling Cas with him towards his own room. 

The two sat next to each other on Dean's bed in silence, until that was broken was by Dean speaking up. 

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Cas - I was really stupid. I was drunk. It meant nothing! And I know that doesn't excuse me from what happened, but I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Hell, I am still hopelessly in love you with," Dean says taking one of Cas's hands into his own. 

Cas retracted his hand back, causing Dean's stomach to drop. "Why did you do it? You never actually told me why," says Cas. 

"Um... well...you never really wanted to go very far," says Dean, nervously scratching at the back of his neck. "You always got all weird even when I simply kissed your neck, Cas. And I needed to take care of things. Ya know?"

Cas looks to the floor shyly. It wasn't his favorite topic to have a conversation about. He liked to talk about bees that pollinated beautiful flowers... Not Dean pollinating his flower. 

"Have you ever...," Dean began to ask. "You know..."

Cas shook his head. He wouldn't dare. Not even with a woman, let alone a man. Castiel was always the incredibly awkward, shy person. His people skills had always been especially rusty, and preferred to take things slow when it came to relationships. 

"I should've done it. Then you wouldn't have had to go to someone better-"

"Woah, Cas! Like I said it meant nothing. He was not even comparable to you. No one is better than you in my opinion. You have it all! You care about everyone, and that includes all kinds of animals and even plants! You would never let me walk on grass! You thought me walking on it, would hurt its feelings. It was the cutest thing ever! Also, you're the definition of 'perfection,' and I know you don't believe it, but you should... Because you're living proof. You are perfect. You take my breath away every time I look at you. And even now, I see you, and I fall apart knowing you will probably hate me forever, because I was stupid. And decided to make a stupid mistake. But seeing you with anyone else would kill me. I want to see you with me, Cas. Me! I fucking love you. I never stopped loving, nor will I ever. I remember when we first met. I told you, angels weren't real, yet there you were. Cas, I-"

Castiel interrupted Dean, kissing him. No one has ever said anything like that, and to hear it from Dean, meant everything. Dean Winchester is a 'no chick-flick moments' kind of guy. So to hear that kind of thing from him is rare. But he just poured out all of his heart to Castiel. And Cas believed every single word, because he knew Dean. He could see inside Dean, and behind every façade, and he could tear down every wall that Dean built... Because he knew Dean.

"I missed that," Dean smiled. 

"I believe you, Dean. And I forgive you. I admittedly also, never stopped loving you."

They both smiled at each other, and sat there for a long time, just holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. It is such a relief that they could both move past this, and can finally be in each other's warm company again.


End file.
